David asks…
My 16 year old friend is in a relationship with a “sadistic” almost 40 year old man? URGENT?
I KNOW THIS IS LONG, BUT PLEASE READ IT ALL, I’M DESPERATE.
Okay, I’ve been trying to help her out myself by trying to get her to use common sense, but she’s incredibly stubborn… I’m not expecting you to have all the answers, but it’s kinda the last place I have to turn to. Please read through to the end, it’s URGENT.
My friend has just turned 16 (we’re in grade 11). Since about January, she’s been raving about this new guy, and how attractive/intelligent/etc. he is. About a month ago, she revealed to me that he’s in his late 30s (YES, late 30s, as in almost 40s). I, obviously, freaked out at her. All I’d known until then was a general description of his appearance (tall, shoulder length hair, dresses well, etc.), and I always wondered why she never elaborated. This guy is a high-up at a business – I’m not sure what his exact position is, but apparently he’s close to being a CEO. Obviously, I asked her if she was in it for the money, but she told me that she legitimately loved this man. I don’t know whether to believe her or not, but she seems to genuinely like him… obviously, I still don’t like it.
When I told her the basic “what’s wrong with you, he’s old enough to be your father, this is illegal, he’s taking advantage of you” stuff, she insisted that he was nice. She told me that he treated her well, never pressured her, and that he didn’t want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable. At this point, I was still angry, but I was happy with the fact that he wasn’t pressuring her for sex. She told me she was still a virgin.
Anyways, recently I found out that she was still doing “sexual favours” (BJs, etc.) for him, and that he would do the same for her. She also hinted at some sort of weird kink stuff (sadism/masochism) that I don’t really get, but what I do know is that it means he’s hurting her and she lets him. That would be disgusting even if he was her age.
I absolutely lost it, and asked her again if she was in it for the money, telling her than anyone that old in a relationship with a teenager can’t get a girl his own age. She got incredibly offended, telling me that she’s in love and that he’s the same, and hasn’t talked to me since.
I was very worried, so I decided to follow her after the last day of school (we take the same bus) to see if she was meeting him. She was, and I saw him in person. He looks like a respectable man, that’s the scary part – he’s got long, well-groomed hair, an attractive face, a fairly slender (for a male) body, and was wearing a business suit. (However, his hair is greying… that’s creepy). He looks like the type of person that wouldn’t have a problem with getting a girlfriend his own age. I watched them kiss. It was disgusting, it wasn’t even a short kiss, it was long and creepy (he seemed rather controlling, but the worst part was that she looked willing/like she was enjoying it).
I thought that maybe he was a pedophile, but my friend is… er… “well endowed”, and certainly doesn’t look childlike.
Now, the point of my question: WHAT DO I DO?! She’s already stopped talking to me, they’ve been doing this for almost a year, and they aren’t letting up. Can I go to the police with this? I kind of want to, but I don’t want my friend to get in trouble. I’m just really, really worried.
Also, can his sadist thing be classified as abuse? Or is that different? She doesn’t come to school with bruises or anything, but she mentioned that he hits her with stuff (like whips). That sounds like abuse to me.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE THAT ANSWERS. YOU’RE A HUGE, HUGE HELP.
admin answers:
OMG! D:
you should send her a text or something, saying im really sorry, can we talk and say that she can do much better and she has a long life ahead of her, and that he wont be the only one, if her parents dont know about this, i would suggest telling them right now!!!!!!!! Maybe if she does end up coming to school with a bruise and it looks like someone has hit her, ask her about it, if she says “we were just muccing around and he accidently hit me” and it doesnt look like she is telling the truth, tell the police, also it does sound like hes a pedophile. I hope i helped, good luck!
X
Sandra asks…
Are “sadistic” sexual acts classified as abuse if it’s between a minor and an older man? URGENT?
I KNOW THIS IS LONG, BUT PLEASE READ IT ALL, I’M DESPERATE.
Okay, I’ve been trying to help her out myself by trying to get her to use common sense, but she’s incredibly stubborn… I’m not expecting you to have all the answers, but it’s kinda the last place I have to turn to. Please read through to the end, it’s URGENT.
My friend has just turned 16 (we’re in grade 11). Since about January, she’s been raving about this new guy, and how attractive/intelligent/etc. he is. About a month ago, she revealed to me that he’s in his late 30s (YES, late 30s, as in almost 40s). I, obviously, freaked out at her. All I’d known until then was a general description of his appearance (tall, shoulder length hair, dresses well, etc.), and I always wondered why she never elaborated. This guy is a high-up at a business – I’m not sure what his exact position is, but apparently he’s close to being a CEO. Obviously, I asked her if she was in it for the money, but she told me that she legitimately loved this man. I don’t know whether to believe her or not, but she seems to genuinely like him… obviously, I still don’t like it.
When I told her the basic “what’s wrong with you, he’s old enough to be your father, this is illegal, he’s taking advantage of you” stuff, she insisted that he was nice. She told me that he treated her well, never pressured her, and that he didn’t want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable. At this point, I was still angry, but I was happy with the fact that he wasn’t pressuring her for sex. She told me she was still a virgin.
Anyways, recently I found out that she was still doing “sexual favours” (BJs, etc.) for him, and that he would do the same for her. She also hinted at some sort of weird kink stuff (sadism/masochism) that I don’t really get, but what I do know is that it means he’s hurting her and she lets him. That would be disgusting even if he was her age.
I absolutely lost it, and asked her again if she was in it for the money, telling her than anyone that old in a relationship with a teenager can’t get a girl his own age. She got incredibly offended, telling me that she’s in love and that he’s the same, and hasn’t talked to me since.
I was very worried, so I decided to follow her after the last day of school (we take the same bus) to see if she was meeting him. She was, and I saw him in person. He looks like a respectable man, that’s the scary part – he’s got long, well-groomed hair, an attractive face, a fairly slender (for a male) body, and was wearing a business suit. (However, his hair is greying… that’s creepy). He looks like the type of person that wouldn’t have a problem with getting a girlfriend his own age. I watched them kiss. It was disgusting, it wasn’t even a short kiss, it was long and creepy (he seemed rather controlling, but the worst part was that she looked willing/like she was enjoying it).
I thought that maybe he was a pedophile, but my friend is… er… “well endowed”, and certainly doesn’t look childlike.
Now, the point of my question: WHAT DO I DO?! She’s already stopped talking to me, they’ve been doing this for almost a year, and they aren’t letting up. Can I go to the police with this? I kind of want to, but I don’t want my friend to get in trouble. I’m just really, really worried.
Also, can his sadist thing be classified as abuse? Or is that different? She doesn’t come to school with bruises or anything, but she mentioned that he hits her with stuff (like whips). That sounds like abuse to me.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE THAT ANSWERS. YOU’RE A HUGE, HUGE HELP.
admin answers:
In some states 16 is the legal age of consent! So i don’t know. You could tell her parents, or check the state laws to see what the age of consent is and if hes breaking it call the police. Most of the responsibility is on her parents. They can press charges but if they don’t then there is almost nothing you can do, it will eventually happen. Most parents wouldn’t allow that. And as for your friend I believe anybody man or woman 17 years old and out of highschool is responsible for their own actions. And shes one year away so you better get her some help. Cause after that i do not believe shes a child anymore!
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